Alrighty.. yet another piece of writing set in a large multiplayer world. What I need is not so much criticism on the story (and in fact, it isn''t actually a story at all, but a short story introduction piece that briefly lays out the basic setting of the game world) but rather comments on you guys'' interest level after reading it. In other words, does this strike you as a world that you would be interested in learning more about as a gamer (or as a reader, for that matter)? Sheerly out of paranoia, I will copy-and-paste here the warning I hastily wrote up for another forum I posted this in earlier this year: "Please be advised, this is my work and while I enjoy letting people read it, I do not enjoy people stealing my work or my ideas. Everything in here is Copyright 2001 Brian Lacy. If you copy my ideas I''ll hunt you down and serve you as entrees to the apish, cannibalistic gorgons that haunt the southwestern plains of Terrasi!" ON TERRASI, THE FAINT LIGHT of early morn cast a frame of hazy gray about the brilliant Rift. Its heavenly white glow seemed benevolent, an irony that never eluded the minds of those who would behold it. For the beautiful Rift had broken so many hearts, rending souls from their homes and families with cold indiscrimination. Since late June the Rift silently gouged its mark upon the Earth, choosing by chance the great city of New York for a breeding ground. On Earth, the Rift crept stealthily about, almost invisible to its victims until the final moment, when they would be transported through the chaotic fabric of the Rift to the magnificent world of Terrasi. Here, amidst the gently rolling green fields of a valley blanketed with light and warmth by two suns, the Rift stood fifteen feet tall and proudly rooted like a great Oak, immobile but very alive. Travellers could see the Rift from miles away even at midday. The extinction centuries earlier of an intelligent race, whose great culture once flourished on the plains of Terrasi, now marred the landscape with crumbling stone and amurite ruins that since had bred the darkest of caverns and ferocious beasts. Towering spires had fallen, planting themselves in deep craters at their own bases, reaped by dangerous windstorms or angry lightening strikes with fractures so precise they might as well have been cleaved by a great scythe. Grand structures spanning hundreds of acres had collapsed upon themselves, charred-black as though once engulfed in a hell-spawned inferno. The metallic ores that once held these structures high were often discovered by the Newcomers as disfigured mounds of debris, horribly twisted, melted or rust-worn well beyond their original design. Teeming with vegetation and exotic creatures, Terrasi was never a lonely world. But like quiet graveyards, whole crippled cities layed in sobering tribute to both their creators'' architectural talents and the eventual destruction of the same. The sensation of near-tangible hostility, of being watched and even hunted, unwelcomed every Newcomer who ventured curiously within the halls of the ancient ruins. Eerie silence echoed in the narrow streets and broad causeways, interrupted only by the occasional scurrying of unseen scavengers, or the deep moaning of steel and stone under the extreme pressure of their own immense weight. The old roads were elevated boldly on carved-stone foundations. Layed carefully by skilled masons and city planners, they severed the city into disaster zones as effectively as though they had been created for the purpose, and an aerial view would have yeilded marvelous geological shapes and patterns in the wreckage of each deserted urban masterpiece. At the Village it was difficult to know how many had passed through the Rift. On this morning there were certainly well over five hundred, but even the dedicated souls who kept track were quickly becoming overwhelmed; some days it seemed the Rift was growing stronger, pulling more men and women through the Rift each week. On this morning there were seven dogs and fifteen cats, and perhaps a few rodents. On this morning, there were at least a hundred children, and thirty seven were less than five years of age. Kayla was only twelve. When the smaller of the two suns pierced her eyelids, she stirred uncomfortably on the cool grass. For now, she still slept peacefully, innocence lingering in a quiet sigh. But momentarily she would awaken to a world far too different from her own. -------- This will probably be a MMORPG someday, but other ideas are being discussed. Worldbuilding, story and character development are the name of the game right now. Brian Lacy Smoking Monkey Studios Comments? Questions? Curious? brian@smoking-monkey.org "I create. Therefore I am."

Ok, I know its not a complete game design or world document, and maybe you don''t even find it that interesting -- but doesn''t anyone have any comments or criticism to help me make it better?