Why would you have to have main characters that suddenly turn from peons to heroes? You can make your characters more individual if you start them out in the middle with some established character traits, training, strengths and weaknesses. Like the younger son of a Duke who isn''t going to inherit so he has to find some other way to make a name for himself and keep his life at the standard of living he''d been accustomed to.

Now Phoenix and Twell are interesting. You say Phoenix fell in love with the humans and vowed to protect them. So why doesn''t he visit anymore? What does he think of the huge technological evolution and population growth that he has seen. I bet he has an interesting perspective on what the essential strengths and weaknesses of humanity are. Is Phoenix already established as male in your current story? Because it just seems to me that this character would work well as female.

Twell is very vulnerable to others'' opinions of him and wants badly to be liked, and is ashamed of his father for being hated. When Twell confesses this to the ghost knight, the knight kills the king. Why didn''t the knight do this before? Surely his own death was plenty of motivation. Why did he kill everybody, not just the king? Twell must really be a coward if he never had the courage to confront the ghost about what had happened... but that''s ok, cowards can be interesting characters, and he could have to confront his fears as part of the climax of his story. I bet when he finally talks to the ghost again the ghost will illuminate some mysteries by telling his side of the story.

Phoenix is asexual and possesses no reproductive abilities. The reason he hasn''t visited in over 200 years is because he is asleep. Being a superior being, his sleep/waking cycle is much longer than a human''s daily sleep cycle.

I might have phrased it badly, but what I meant is that Twell could never find the spectre again. He was no longer at the graveyard.

As far as why the undead knight didn''t kill the king sooner, the reason being is he is a knight. His honor doesn''t permit him to act solely in his own will. He must act on the behalf of someone else. Only after the prince wished someone would stop his father could he actually go do it. As for why he killed other people besides the king, that''s because most of those people were the kings guards and they aren''t going to just sit around and twiddle their thumbs while he kills the king.


Now, as for Belial, he was escaping the Seraph Family, rulers of Tukton and the rest of the upper world. Basically, as the story goes, the Seraph family use their overwhelming power to rule the countryside, and they are ultra serious about their family pride and dignity. An eccentric Seraph once had a fetish for dragons and well, let''s just say demons were the result. Naturally the seraph family was pissed so they cast all the demons into the lowest world (the world under the human world). Belial hid and managed to stay in the comfort of the upper world though.

It took them thousands upon thousands of years, but when they found out there was still a demon in the upper world, they wanted to kill him in retaliation for disobeying their will and tricking them. By that time Belial had learned the secret of immortality and had obtained it(Please note that this replaces the earlier statement that he was immortal because he was a vampire). Casting him into a lower world wasn''t enough punishment, they wanted him dead, so they did all sorts of experiments on him to try to cancel his immortality. This is why he is part undead vampire. He manages to escape and flees into one of those portals to the lower world. He comes out in the human world.

As for humans in the upper world, for the most part no. Like demons, humans were cast out of the upper world because the Seraphs are big racists and didn''t like them. Humans that are born after the casting are allowed to stay but not reproduce, the logic being that it''s not worth the trouble to hunt them down when they don''t even live to be 100 years old. The human casting occured long before the demon casting though. It was long before the Phoenix Awakening even. Well anyway, the people in the human world basically don''t know jack compared to those in the other worlds because something destroyed their world before.

Btw, the upper world races are Elves (the original race), and Angels. Humans are created when elves and angels interbreed. Basically they have the facial features of an angel but lack wings like elves. They are considered the bottom of society in the upper world. Btw Belial doesn''t need human life force to sustain himself (he is immortal). He needs to drink human life force or he''ll be in pain. This is why he didn''t starve to death inside the cube. Basically he is consuming people to avoid pain and because it''s fun.

Oh yeah, while I''m at it, here are the playable characters I''ve decided on. You won''t be able to get em all depending on which main character you pick.


King Twell Kelvin: The young king of Flanella. He grew up ashamed of his father''s tyranny, and developed a strong sense of morality derived from the resentment of the people. After his father is assassinated, he abolished the Belial Tribute, leading to the release of Belial from the Belial Cube. After being unable to slay Belial, he makes a deal to not attack him if he doesn''t attack Flanella. He then cuts off all communication with the external world and sets about trying to reach Sky Palace, home of Phoenix, without revealing to anyone what has happened.

Type: Fighter Mage
Specialty: Rulership. Twell can order any loyal subject of Flanella to perform tasks or give free items.
Element: Light

Favorite Weapon: Spear


Belial: A vampire demon from the upper world. When demons were banished from the upper world, he managed to hide. When he finally was found, he was to be slain as punishment for disobeying the Seraph Family. Belial had discovered the secret of immortality before, and so they could not kill him. The Seraphs, desperate to find a way to destroy Belial before he could spread the secret of immortality performed many experiments, one of which resulted in him becoming a vampire. Belial managed to escape, and willingly fled into a lower world. The portal he entered did not lead to the demon world however, but to the human world! As a vampire, Belial craved life force from higher creatures such as humans. Without it he would feel nothing but agony until he could tolerate no more. The humans fought back and with Phoenix''s help he was sealed in a cube for over 200 years. When he finally managed to escape from the cube, he made a deal with Twell that allowed him to feast on humans with virtually no interference. All he had to do was not attack anyone in Flanella.

Type: Heavy Mage
Specialty: Life Drain. Any enemy Belial defeats can have their spirit drunk to restore Belial''s Hp and Mp.
Element: Poison

Favorite Weapon: Staff


Rye Night: A young man from Flanella with a curious demeaner. When his BROTHER (as opposed to father) returned from the battle against Belial, he refused to tell him what happened. Furthermore, no soldier would say a word and there was no celebration of victory, nor despair of defeat. Rye couldn''t understand how everyone could return to life as usual like that, and so decides to sneak into the outpost to figure out what''s going on. When he discovers what happens, he leaves immediately to save his love, who lives outside of Flanella. In order to do this, he must first find a way to leave Flanella, since all connections to the outside are being cut off. Rye is one of the main characters.

Type: Light Mage
Specialty: Sickle Sword. Rye can make and equip a custom weapon he calls a sickle sword. It has a special relationship with runes and runic magic.
Element: Light

Favorite Weapon: Sickle Sword


Julisa Tisfaria: A young woman from Ukataite. Her village was in a panic when they learned of the Belial Treaty. That''s when the Dread Knight appeared. He told the villagers that Belial might be appeased if they sacrificed some of the villagers so that the rest may live. After some spying on Belial, who was currently attacking Takion, Julisa was picked as one of the sacrifices, since she had attributes that Belial liked. She was a young woman with large arm muscles and a thin waist. Julisa would have no part of it and must fight her way out of her village, and find a way to stop Belial. Julisa is one of the main characters.

Type: Light Fighter
Specialty: Quick Attacks. Julisa can use several techniques that allow her to act first in battle.
Element: Fire

Favorite Weapon: Twin swords


Asmodeus & Sarenfield Souari are brother and sister, born under the Tiger Star. Their father is the Holy Paladin of Takion. Unfortunantly Takion was attacked by Belial first, and with no advance warning of the Belial treaty, Takion was ill prepared to deal with the onslaught on undead. Their father finally gave up on protecting the country as a whole and put all his energy into making sure Asmodeus and Sarenfield survived. Unfortunantly he got marked with a rune of tracking and had to leave his children behind. Giving them the Holy Sword Akimrud, he goes off to battle Belial one last time. Unfortunantly for Asmodeus and Sarenfield, Belial sees them escaping and marks them with runes of tracking as well. Asmodeus and Sarenfield must evade Belial until they find a way to stop him or remove the runes of tracking. Asmodeus & Sarenfield are main characters.


Asmodeus Type: Heavy Fighter
Sarenfield Type: Heavy Mage
Specialty: Fusion. Asmodeus and Sarenfield have been both blessed and cursed by the Tiger Star with the ability to fuse into one being, Sarendeus. Sarendeus boasts fabulous powers and skills, but unfortunantly, he is evil. Luckily, the fusion is only temporary, but Sarendeus is trying to make it permanent. The Fusion is therefore, only a dangerous last resort

Asmodeus Element: Ice
Sarenfield Element: Earth

Favorite Weapon: Akimrud


Render Raxamarten: Render Raxamarten is a dark magician from Takion. He secretly studied dark elemental magic, despite the fact that it was forbidden by Phoenix. His knowledge of darkness allowed him to escape Belial while all those around him perished. Render believes that the cause of all the destruction is the overreliance on heros, other nations, and ruler gods and that people should develop their own strength. He is searching for a way to obtain the power to overthrow Phoenix and institute a more anarchy-like system. Also he has detected something disturbing, but he refuses to let anyone know what it might be.

Type: Fighter Mage
Specialty: Dark Light. Render is one of the few beings capable of using dark elemental ether with any proficiency.

Element: Darkness
Favorite Weapon: Crossbow


Sarendeus: The fusion of Sarenfield and Asmodeus is an arrogant, selfish, and sadistic piece of work. He cares not to even discuss morals and simply does as he pleases. Fortunantly, his fun has always come to an end when the fusion wore off, but he is trying very hard to find a way to make it permanent. Sarendeus''s favorite past time is barbecueing small animals alive slowly. Another favorite of Sarendeus is hiding the holy sword Akimrud from his other halves, since he cannot wield it.

Type: Fighter Mage
Specialty: Self Restoration. If given time, Sarendeus can resurrect himself as long as the fusion isn''t about to wear off. Doing so reduces the fusion time considerably though.
Element: Wind
Favorite Weapon: Bare Hands


Dread Knight: A knight from Ukataite who was slain during a visit to Flanella. After he returned, he knew he could never go back to what he once was, so instead he embraced his spectre form and declared himself the Dread Knight. He worries for the sake of his people, and the only way he''s been able to come up with to save them is to sacrifice some of them to Belial. Since he is undead, he is able to spy on Belial without worry.

Type: Fighter Mage
Specialty: Undead. Can''t be affected by poison, hunger, and other physical body ailments.
Element: Earth
Favorite Weapon: Sword


Wheat Night: The brother of Rye Knight. He participated in the attacks on Belial and witnessed the Belial treaty. Under orders from Twell, he cannot tell anyone what has happened, not even his own brother. He was planning to open a bakery with his brother when he got out of service, but before that could happen, Rye fled the country illegally. Now he has taken a job of tracking down his brother and arresting him for breaking into the outpost as a cover for his true intention. To get Rye back into the country before he is killed by Belial!

Type: Heavy Fighter
Specialty: Drugmaking. Wheat is well versed in knowledge of various herbs and drugs that can be helpful on and off the battlefield.
Element: Impetus
Favorite Weapon: LongBow


Yaheir Souari: The Holy Paladin of Takion. Takion has always believed that a single strong individual can shield and protect the many, and that large armies are a waste of lives. The Holy Paladin is the manifestation of this belief. Gifted with the Holy Sword Akimrud, the more people backing the Holy Paladin, the more individual power he has. At first, when Belial attacked Yaheir completely dominated him. Unfortunantly he couldn''t seem to finish Belial off. Belial kept coming back, and getting more and more of the Takion people. Each time, Yaheir grew weaker and weaker until finally he could barely stave off his own death. Yaheir realized that he could not save Takion, but maybe he could save his own children. He retreated but was marked with a rune of tracking. He gives Akimrud to his children and goes into one final desperate battle to hold off Belial. Without the power of the people of takion however he is no match for Belial. As a strange twist of fate, Belial decides it would be better to study Yaheir and his charisma so that he can someday willingly convince people to offer themselves to him than simply consume him. That way he won''t run out of humans to eat. Yaheir is currently being held prisoner by Belial''s undead armies.

Type: Runemaster
Specialty: Divine Hero. The more people Yaheir is fighting to protect, the more powerful he becomes.
Element: Light
Favorite Weapon: Akimrud



Well anyway, those are the playable characters. Some of the playable characters will end up villians, depending on which main character you pick. Also there will be some additional villians. Any suggests or comments on em so far?

So many possibilities. Is there a purvaying enemy that you haven't told us about? If there isn't...there should be. With the backgrounds of the various characters, especially Belial, the Twins, and Render, you could make a VERY intriguing plot line, if you haven't already that is. I find myself wanting to know more about the Seraphs, whatever Render isn't saying, and Sarendeus.

From seeing the character background: awsome!!! I definatly can't wait to see this in action. I don't really think the story is cliche, and I think there is TONS of potential. Good Job.

So...How much of the story do you have complete thus far?


[edited by - Inanis Serpens on January 13, 2003 9:13:05 PM]

Oh, pretty much just this. I do have a few mental images I''d like to put into the plot, but they would have to come much much later into the plot. Oh yeah, I have to write 3 plots for this, don''t I? Hehe, no sweat. Glad to hear you like it.

Oh yeah, in case your interested, you can read the plot to KJK at http://entivore.xepher.net/ though I can''t imagine anyone would actually read through 10 chapters of that. It''s definantly got a lot of cliches in it, so I doubt you''d like it as much. Actually, I think maybe I''ll post another thread here with info on the KJK characters, cause some of them need some improvements.

Whether land or sea of space or sky, all living things were born to die

In Diablo it was Baal.

I''ve noticed that many games(and films) use the names of already "existing" gods and demons in their plots.
I don''t see a reason for that.

For instance Baal in diablo is the name of an ancient god(mesopotamian o believe).It is the one the israelits(excuse my english) worshiped in a golden cow according to the bible.
"Diablo" is Satan in greek.
Belial is a fallen angel according to the bible and some other (cabalistic i think) jewish books.
He was considered to be the master of lies and deceit.

This name "borrowing" is also seen in many films too.

If anyone could tell me a reason for that i''d be glad cause i can''t think of a good one.

BTW,really good story entivore.Very suitable for an rpg

We are what we do to change what we are

One thing... Isn''t that "D''oh! Can''t kill him, so let''s seal him away for a millenia or so and let everyone else deal with him..." from alot of other RPGs... I think it''s the basic plot really... not to be rude or anything, I was just saying.

COOLNESS!