Please let me know what you think of my story so far, thanks Project Esper : By c0de cypherthegod@hotmail.com The year was 2025, technology was advancing, and fast. On December 15th, 2024 an unidentified flying object had crash landed in the long hot desert of Arizona. Of course we all knew what it was, but as usual the goverment had to grab what they could and make some flying baloon cover-up story about it. From the stories people tell the goverment had been out there gathering peices for over a month labeling the entire area top secret for over 5 months, General Obversol had been making announcments for quite some time now telling the town folk that there was nothing to worry about and would ramble on about how they were making sure there were was nothing that would harm the public...yeah some cover up story...what kind of baloon lets off harmful subjects? On May 23, 2025, General Obversol had been on the local news, though there was somthing different about him..his skin seemed alot more dark, I guess it could have been from the sun but that still doesn''t explain the full head of pure white hair, just a couple of months ago he had looked as if he were 20 years younger. His skin was worn and weathered, his hair was as white as the clouds that passed over our heads, and the look from his eyes were powering and dark, there was somthing wrong.... On August 10th, 2025 there had been a report that General Obversol had gone missing, along with the flying object and all evidence that had been captured, I heard some local rumors of an alien artifact making him totally insane, ever since he had started the study on it he hadn''t been the same so say some of his soldiers story to the people. On August 21st, 2025 I had woken up to very disturbing news, the broadcasters on every channel were rambling and yelling on about the whitehouse being completly destroyed, there had been an attack by varios flying objects that people say would split into 4 peices then form back into one, whoever was under this attack was smart, they were starting to target all of the main power plants of the world, along with all of our monuments, millions have died already and the destruction was still running about. On August 24th, I, along with the rest of the United States of america had been without power, people were now starting to build camps underground to try and keep safe, many had power supply units to manage light and water irrigation systems along with the few lab stations people had setup. I was taking part in a group of scientists constructing a time machine to go back in time and stop the general before he turned into a crazed maniac. October 22nd, 2025, The time machine has been in testing stages for quite some time, though I was kind of worried when we hooked the spider monkey to the machine and it exploded into a million little pieces, but other than that everything was fine now that we could see, we were all anxious and about ready for the final run...to go back to the future. November 6th, 2025, After final configurations and minor tweaks the time machine was ready for launch, I would be going first along with a team of 10 behind me, I was sitting in the chair, grasping tightly, thinking of that old movie "The Green Mile" hoping some one didn''t switch some wires for some shocking humor to watch me explode, the sound of count down seemed to fade as the fear hit me all at once...then I heard the loud crisp sound of the switch pull down followed by a bright flash, for about a minute I couldn''t see anything, like after being flashed directly in the face with a really bright camera flash, I was seeing white balls fading in and out, until things started to seem more clear, I could see trees, and alot of beautiful landscape, which was a shock to me after not seeing anything except for tunnels of dark underground tunnels and labs for the past numerous months. I waited for about 10 minutes and still no one had followed behind, could they not have made it? could the machine have broken down, what could possibly be going on? I could tell just by looking around that this wasn''t arizona, and it for sure wasn''t the desert, there were bull blown trees along with an endless field of grass, im starting to think some prick did switch the wires on me if this is heaven can I wish for some chicks? or maybe it''s hell and this is all i get for eternity, damn my bad luck. As I was looking around im still trying to figure out where the hel...where I am, I can hear the sound of distant galloping, as if it were the sound of a horse, I can see somthing along the horizon of the bright green hill with some one shouting "WHO GOES THERE!?" I assume he is talking to me, seeing on how I am the only one here and all, so I start walking towards the man to get a closer look still filled with questions that can''t be answered. He was wearing a royal blue colored cape with full blown armour, he shouts in a loud firm voice "Who goes there sir!?" as I look at him as if he were an idiot.."who the hell goes THERE sir?" my name is Tristelin what the hell are you dressed in armour for? The man had just looked at me if I were an idiot...glad to know we''re on the same track here...

Weird, that you and Definitive posted up different stories with the same name, set in the future.

Is this a game setting? Cuz, I'm not really feeling it if it is. But forgetting grammatical edits:

- On August 21st the character wakes up to broadcast news, showing power plants being blown up by alien craft. I'm assuming, then, that the craft hadn't hit the locations where the character's local stations are broadcast from? Otherwise a) there'd be no broadcast, and b) he'd have to power to listen to the radio or watch television.

- Why the alien craft only targetted the White House is unknown, but I'll make the leap of faith and assume they also attacked other power bases in all the countries - since it was stated that power plants around the world are being destroyed. I'm also not understanding why they would attack the multitudes of power plants FIRST, instead of attacking military targets. There is also no commentary about worldwide military response.

- Three days later, amidst chaos that has to be happening in the streets and an assumed lack of power (and lack of air traffic, given the militarized zones that have to be spread across the nation/world), the character hooks up with some military/scientific encampment, underground. No explanation why he'd be allowed into this necessarily elite group, or how he managed to get there safely and quickly.

- Suspending disbelief over this, using only generators that "manage light and water irrigation systems, along with the few lab stations", they start a massive, assumedly research-draining project such as a time machine (based on unknown principles?) rather than ways to simply defeat the alien craft? Unless it was a project that was already near completion, there simply is no way any government or Bill Gates-like individual or corporation is going to decide to spend on something like a time machine when defensive and offensive weaponry would make considerably more sense.

- October 22nd; just under two months in the middle of a war zone and with limited power sources, and "the time machine has been in testing stages for quite some time". ?!?!?!?

- quote: "about ready for the final run...to go back to the future." I know it probably made sense, and sounded cool, when you first wrote it; it has a nice ring, good sound byte. But it doesn't work in this story at all, it makes no sense in context. The character is going back to the past - not to the future, coming back to the present, then going back to the future again. I'd recommend ditching it.

- November 6th; 2 weeks later and it's ready for launch. I'm impressed. See above.

- Why is the character going along? Who is he/am I? How did I get involved in this project at all? Who built these vast underground tunnels and caverns with lab equipment and power generators, and why?

- I'm assuming the character did not end up in the past at all, since there would have been no time in US history where the deserts of Arizona would have been covered in lush grassy plains dotted with trees. Except, perhaps, the Triassic period - some 25 million years ago.

- Along the same lines there would be no historic point at all where anyone wearing "a royal blue colored cape with full blown armour" (plate? chain? splint?) would be anywhere near Arizona, grassy fields or no grassy fields, speaking English and riding a horse.

Based on the last two assessments I'm assuming the character was moved through both time and space, not simply time, because the surroundings make absolutely no sense - unless he was flung forward to some unnamed time, in which case you can make up anything you damn well please

Don't mean to sound overly critical, sorry if it comes across that way.

[edited by - EricTrickster on December 18, 2003 3:00:44 PM]

It was good, very nicely written, up until the end. It seems completely off task to go from aliens to armor. If he were going back in time to stop the aliens before a severe outbreak of them took over it may have worked quite well. Maybe I am missing something but I''m not getting the whole knight era thing. Stay on task with your original story.

Also keep the journal edge if it is produced, it keeps a unique way to present the story, from the main character''s point of view.

"Stop it mister!!! I don''''t even know you!!!"