So we've all seen solid stories in certain games.
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post about it, but when it comes down to a prologue of the game, that isn't going to be playable but it's more so just backstory, how should it be written down.

My story is about a kid who grows up to be a scientist in the psychological...something or other department and he puts together a machine that's like a game but it connects to your brain and nervous system
causing you to really sync into the system.(to make some more sense also, it connects with your soul)So he test it a few times, then he goes in for a long period, and his family goes to find him and they pull him out without doing it right, so his soul is left stuck in the game. So his memory in the situation gets locked away in his brain and he plays the game through his soul. It starts him in a random place, and he is stuck there and there's a light shining up to the sky(like a light pillar)and he goes to it. There's a sword in a rock and as he grabs for memories flash through his brain, not vivid enough to put them together, but hesistantly he grabs the sword and everything comes to him then goes away. After that a new path opens up and he travels forward.

skipping ahead, once he beats the game,he has all his memories put together, and he has a party back at his hometown in the game, and at one point, everyone lines up, and they all look at him and smile, then the background fades and it's just them all standing there in a white space, like purgatory. he looked around when it all started to fade and then he looks back and everyone in the game has turned back to their counterparts from real life people...and he understands what's happening. He changes back to himself in that place and walks to them. In the hospital he wakes up, and his girlfriend(real life best friend)is holding his hand, and it's obvious she'd been crying but she's a sleep. He lightly tightens his grip to wake her up and she looks at him...

that's just the gyst of it, so what I want to know is, what makes a story really solid, like when you play a game, what about a story pulls you in and keeps you playing, and loving every moment of it.

[font=arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif][size=2]It is a good seed.
"[color="#1C2837"][size=2]I'm not sure if this is the right place to post about it, but when it comes down to a prologue of the game, that isn't going to be playable but it's more so just backstory, how should it be written down."
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[color="#1C2837"][size=2]Generally, you just present it! It is perfectly okay, in principle, to have an expository opening. You just have to step around some mines.
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[color="#1C2837"][size=2]1) It must be relevant. This is relevant; it's an easy way to infodump where you are and what's happening. It clarifies the setting.
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[size=2][color="#1C2837"][size=2]A lot of games in the old days put this in the manual, especially on the original Gameboy and NES. But that's not done anymore.
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[size=2][color="#1C2837"][size=2]Final Fantasy VI does it well. Remember; relevance.
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[size=2][color="#1C2837"][size=2]Final Fantasy VII, which is a classic, did it much lighter but they still had a one minute clip opening that game that (wordlessly) defines the setting with a flyover shot of Midgar. You might watch it on Youtube for a refresher.
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[size=2][color="#1C2837"][size=2]Metal Gear Solid just has people talking. It's skippable so if it's your second time, that's OK.
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[size=2][color="#1C2837"][size=2]2) Be concise and minimal.
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[size=2][color="#1C2837"][size=2]I'll give you two examples of changes I'd make to yours because they sum it up well.
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[size=2][color="#1C2837"][size=2]"[color="#1C2837"][size=2]about a kid who grows up to be a scientist in the psychological"
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]Everyone used to be a kid who grows up to be a ... So you just say "A scientist". (You don't even have to say "a neuro engineer" or "a mad scientist"; just "scientist" will do.)
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[color="#1C2837"][size=2]"his family goes to find him and they pull him out without doing it right" - Who doesn't matter at this point. Just need to say that he got disconnected suddenly or, even better, he suddenly couldn't get out if he doesn't know why. Remember, your intro blurb should match the perspective (in writing terms) of the player's character.
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[color="#1C2837"][size=2]"[color="#1C2837"][size=2]It starts him in a random place[color="#1C2837"][size=2]" - And that's where you open the interactive game. The rest just happens.
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[color="#1C2837"][size=2]Shibby?[/font]

Alright thanks guys. This is making more sense to me now. I've had other ideas that seemed cool but I don't wanna lose this one like the others. It seems actually reachable this time.
It wouldn't hurt to write a fanfic first right?

Fanfic? Sure. Anything. Short stories are good because because you can complete the whole. There are things about writing that you need to write completed works to learn, and shorts are good because you can complete many works in a short period and learn those things faster.

You can probably write this as a short, too (under 10k words, roughly).

Write write write, alright?

Good advice above.
You have elements of a story that are cool. They need to be connected so it's clear what's happening. You have character, action, setting, overview and specific scenes all run together. You can clean that up.

Some writers benefit from an outline. All writers benefit from thinking about the characters, and finding out why they are interesting. What pulls you in is character and action. Action is fleeting. If you can make us care about characters, we'll want to know what happens to them the rest of the game. You're close to doing that.



JoeCooper is right, practice writing. And show it to people you respect for feedback.

A story is solid when the character, setting and action are always clear, interesting and flowing. That takes practice. Post v2, please!

Just to expand on what I wrote earlier about practice, the reason to write a lot of whole works (and write short to facilitate this) is that every sentence and passage you write can be judged in two ways; how is it as an individual sentence, and how does it relate to the whole? And you need to write whole works to think about this, so don't dive into a 200k word epic yet.

Alright, I'ma give it effort. I'll try to get it on her if I can at some point.

Since the hero suffers from memory loss, there's an obvious way to reduce exposition at the beginning of the game. Just put them in the game with some lines like "What's this place? Where am I? And who am I???" They begin to run around inside the game and the backstory is revealed gradually when they recover their memories. This solution is not very original though.